How to show up & do the thing
Enjoying the first — and last for me — fully in-person semester at Uni; Coding logic is hard
I’m writing this Sunday feeling a bit drained but nonetheless, I had a week full of good stuff happen. And again, still, the weather here is so lovely!
Let’s just jump right in!
How to show up and do the thing.
Now, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I do not overwork myself. This means, I don’t skip essential things like eating, sleeping, exercising, or being there for my friends in order to complete tasks or achieve some goal. For me, it’s just not a sustainable model, and in all things I pursue, I believe consistency is not only the hardest thing but the most effective. So even on a jam-packed day, I make sure that it is made up of the things I need to keep the proverbial train running.
That being said, consistency is a huge pain in the ass to maintain. I respect it, I know it works, I know its value, but still, doing certain things (like studying German or writing my book) takes a lot of mental willpower. This past week, I’ve been especially struggling to tap into it, and had to ask myself Why but naturally then find a solution.
I’ve read, like you probably also have, those inspirational quotes that are like, “The first step is showing up,” and it is likely that you, like me, already thought past the showing up and think of the pain of actually doing and then lose all the will to “show up.” Or perhaps you, like me, haven’t really understood what it means to “show up” when the thing you’re doing doesn’t have a specific place, like a gym, to show up to.
Here’s what showing up for a thing you’re trying to do consistently means, whether that thing be learning a new skill or writing a paper or making a plan for something. This is at least what it has meant for me in this past week where there were times I felt like my brain was literally about to slip out of my ears.
The pomodoro (aka pomo method) has been a great aid for this, since it doesn’t depend on what time I do the thing, as long as I squeeze one pomo in somewhere for it. But even the most determined can find their way to wiggle out of this, like how I noticed myself knocking off one pomo when I had two or three planned.
But when I do make a pomo plan and stick to it, it goes like this: if it’s for writing, no matter whether or not I feel like writing, I have to do nothing but sit my butt in front of my computer and look at the page. I review my notes. I spit out any words or sentences I may have wanted to write, regardless of whether or not they make sense or if the order is wrong. Making content is hard and it sucks and it takes so much effort, and it’s much easier to edit or destroy pieces later. Whatever I do, whether it is actually writing or not, must involve the theme at hand during the length of the pomo.
It is usually in the course of this that something good actually happens. Eventually I just get tired of looking at the white page and spit out some crap that ends up sounding okay. Or good enough. It can always get written a little better later.
And in those moments where I really truly madly cannot get in the mood to write, where I’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else, I have learned that I must make myself a small universe to submerge my brain in. I usually play music when I write or work, from the speaker in the other side of the room, and sometimes I have none at all. But there’s something counter-productive about the atmospheric music or sound. The other day when I absolutely dreaded my writing pomo, I just stuck my earphones in and somehow this flood of music and sound perked me right up. I managed to write a whole section!
So I’d say, showing up means making time, staying on topic, and closing yourself off.
Enjoying the first — and last for me — fully in-person semester at Uni
I had to go to my university this week to present to the first year students about the career development group I founded, JFKInterviews. It was nice to see people on campus, to see some of my favorite professors, and to meet new students who were excited that my group existed! They were also shocked to learn that I was doing it all for free, as one student asked me if I had an office so they could come to me and ask questions. Oh boy do I wish I had an office!
I took the question as a compliment, then later, after hanging out at the Econ office and inadvertently offering advice that saved them $200 or so, I went to the graduate school advisor to inquire about a class I wanted to take and threw it out there that it would be great if I had an office. I said it as a cheeky joke, but he said, well, there’s a room upstairs you can use whenever you want, just come to me and I’ll let you in.
If I wanted a key however, I’d have to be affiliated with the university in some way like a student assistant or graduate student, of which I am neither, but I then said if he needed a bit of help, I’d help him when I come in (which would only be once or twice a week), for the title. Anything to get that key to the office. I know I could just go and ask him to let me in, but I don’t like being a bother, and prefer to do what I can by myself, so the key would be nice.
I also like the idea of the key/office because this is technically my last semester. I had such a lovely time on campus, and I truly like the professors and friends I have there. Even though I’m not taking any classes this semester I’d really like to be at the building when I can. Perhaps if I had my own office I could do work on my thesis there, and my advisors would be there too, so I could ask them things in person… it’d be great! So I hope it works out, and I think I’ll try to go once a week regardless.
I almost wish I was doing a PhD, but I don’t believe it’s right for me. I’ve always felt a connection to my universities and had some strong compulsion to help, to make them better, or to share with students how great they are, but I don’t think me doing research as a PhD student is the way to go. I will find a way with my other skills and my future website skills.
Coding logic is hard.
Which, speak of, I really hope I have by the end of this bootcamp! Part-time is intense enough, so I don’t know how the full-time (3 months, Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm) students manage. It’s amazing how long simple tasks take to program (right now I’m learning Ruby) and how frustrating it can be.
Again, when it works, it’s like magic, so I find the challenge satisfying, but still. I’ll look at a problem for two hours, write up this step and that step and have 15, 16, 17 and counting tabs open, then find the solution only has like two or three lines of code.
Thus, the real challenge is thinking like a programmer and knowing what the program can and can’t do, or how it does things. This logic is, well, logical, but it’s not exactly how we normal folk think through things.
At any rate, the bootcamp is laid out well and I like my teachers. I can handle this pacing as it is, as long as I keep asking questions whenever I’m super stuck. Which happens often, but I have no shame in opening a ticket or calling my teachers over. That’s technically what I’m paying them for, right? (So if anyone ever asks me why I didn’t just do a Coursera or whatever course instead, that’s it! Because this isn’t as easy as copy/paste. The logic is the thing you must learn, and I wanted to learn it from a bunch of other humans and not indirectly from randos on Stackoverflow.)
Upcoming travel!
I’m going to the US from this Friday and I’ll be hella busy, already slammed with plans to visit friends. The issue is: I have no car. Renting is going to be expensive but I don’t like the idea of being landlocked/stranded anywhere.
So… this whole year I’m just calling “investing in myself,” since codecamp is expensive, as is this trip in light of all the other costs that have cropped up, and since I won’t be going back to the US for at least another year and surely not again for Christmas… ah well. I invest in my friends, in whatever I have left in the US… and of course, I continue my bootcamp, which means I’ll be up at 3am Saturday mornings to participate at the same time as my fellow coders in Berlin. Whew.
I’m looking forward to being home regardless as there are many people there dear to me and who I miss. One of my best friends has planned us a trip to Atlanta, and another offered to pick me up from the airport and let me stay at hers my first night. So lovely!! I am blessed.
Next Sunday I’ll be writing from eastern standard time and hopefully after viewing a Ravens game! Til then, ciao!